Midterm season may be upon us, but that don't mean I'm not gonna deliver. Welcome, dear readers. to the eighth volume of Velocity Weekly, the only newsletter on DA to be served at upwards of 250 MPH. Another week of motoring, another week of deviousness, all that goodness. And that always means more headlines from the automotive world! Wraith, what do ya got for us?THE NEWS
Well, Velocity, quite a bit, actually. First off comes from BMW, more specifically, the new M5. This car was normally known as a performance saloon car for those who wanted a little more kick out of a four seater. But the new version is... just that. Except for one little detail: It's got AWD now, something no other M5 has had. So now, mountain roads are no longer out of this car's reach.
Next on the lineup is another German performance saloon: But one that didn't start as a performance saloon. And personally, this isn't the best looking four-door saloon ever. This is the Mercedes-AMG GT 4-Door. Basically, it's the Mercedes GT, just with an extra pair of doors slapped on. But considering it's performance rivals that of the Panamera, we know this car did something right.
The last headline is a bit of a downer, as it involves the death of a classic motoring icon, and the inspiration for the Porsche 911. And wouldn't you know it, it's also German. (Italy is best car country, dummkopf.) Sad to say, Volkswagen is discontinuing the Beetle. However, the traditional model and the Dune Beetle will remain in production for this year, but anything past 2019 is heads or tails. Oh, well.
And, as we step out of Doitchland, we enter the Q&A zone. Sydney?Q&A WITH THE CREW
Well, Wraith, we have quite a few double questions this week, so let's group them together. First off is from
(Velocity): As for your first question, Ms. Rosario+Vampire, I would... maybe. Considering I could probably handle her when she's pissed off, and how she couldn't suck my blood, seeing as how Gasoline runs through my veins. Preferably premium. As for your second question, quite frankly, my signature ride is that thing's successor, and has 500 more horses. I think I'll be fine.
(Sydney): Seriously, I've seen him take his One:1 for joyrides, and it looks like something out of 250 MPH Gymkhana. Anyways, next two questions are from
(Velocity): As for your first question, while I traditionally don't throw shade on a fellow Koenigsegg, I've gotta break the new chick in. So, send her my way when you get the chance. As for your second question, I failed to noticed them until now. Long story short, not bad.
(Sydney): Next pair of questions is from
(Velocity): As for the 992, no luck. BUT, I did see a sort-of-a-911 joyriding through my festival the other day. I sent Sunburst after him/her, haven't seen either since. As for your second question, who said I had to pick a side?
(Sydney): You should see his records. On either side of the law. Anyway, next question comes from
(Velocity): Again with the quiz questions? Let's run through process of elimination again since I already know the answer to that. 11 Minutes is way too specific, 1 Day brings no sense of danger, and the time wouldn't vary between realms, because we need a constant to go off of. So, all that leaves is One Hour.
(Sydney): Deduction skills, this man has them. Anyway, next question comes from
(Velocity): Sorry. Classified information.
(Sydney): Sorry, Nismo, but there's some stuff no one should know. Last question of the day comes from
Oh, lord almighty. I remember that day like it was fifty-six seconds ago. Maroondah Rainforest, Coastal Australia, 5:13 PM, October Seventeenth. I was giving Tenebris a test drive when he was still classified as an Experimental Signature Edition. I was coming through a chicane at about 240 MPH, running the apexes while dodging some heavy rush hour traffic. Then, I was coming up on a corner that would normally be a braking point, but I was convinced that Tenebris would have enough downforce and grip to make the turn with the hammer down. But, you know what they say: You plan, and God laughs at you. I ended up hitting the apex just a little too hard, and ran the left-side tires through the grass. That got the wheels spinning enough that I got completely sideways across two-lane traffic at 200+ MPH. Sure enough, one very unlucky Gallardo came along, T-Boned me in my driver's side, sent me about fifteen feet in the air. Must've rolled over about eight times before the now trashed Tenebris decided to grind to a sparky and fiery halt. Next thing I know, I'm out a $2.8 Million hypercar... and my left arm. Believe me, it was a pain having to walk back to Byron Bay with only three limbs. Took a whole lot of magic to stay conscious. And before you ask, yes, I now have a cybernetic arm. Works pretty well, actually.
(Sydney): And it's the same arm that allows me, an AI program, to help in battle from time to time. But, that's all for the Q&A. So, let's change lanes real quick and see what Velocity has in store for us.THE FAST LANE
Well, Sydney, first on the list is not the little cliffhanger I left you guys on last week. We have that stowed away for later. But for now...EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Bona8Gamer34
(Velocity): WELCOME, dear viewers, to another exclusive interview! Some say he's a seven-foot tall animatronic bunny, and others will tell you that since he runs at a constant 98.6 degrees, he has no chill. Ladies and Gentlemen, Bona8Gamer! Please, introduce yourself.
(Bona): well, I'm a rabbit, around 7 feet tall, I can be chill at times, even a hothead when it comes to certain things, but what I love to do most is playing Forza 7, with 3 of my cars I use most, the Black Widow Package, Slick, and Blackout, now I know, they can be aggressive at times, hey we all can be, am I right, anyways I enjoy playing video games, I enjoy Ren and Stimpy, I do have a yt channel, it'll be full of forza content, and I'm part of the Forza community/fandom
(Velocity): I asked for an introduction, not an introductory monologue. Anyways, what got you started here on DA?
(Bona): well, at first it was just something so I can be social over the summer, I wasn't very social
(Velocity): Relatable. Granted, I was probably spending my time dominating global leaderboards, but I digress. Tell me: What sparked you interest in Five Nights at Freddy's, and as a result, Bonnie?
(Bona): well, I actually liked his withered design, then the puppet version, in other words, I just like the design of Bonnie, but I started liking fnaf by watching Markiplier's videos of them
(Velocity): Interesting. Well, do you have a favorite car, and do you have a reason for it?
(Bona): the 918, Chiron, and Veyron, I like the way they look with their sleek designs and aerodynamics
(Velocity): A German/French car person, I see. One last question before we let you go: Your opinions on the Jeep Trackhawk?
(Bona): I like the performance of the trackhawk, with its powerful v8 supercharged engine, not much of a change to the exterior, but anyways, we might have a war to see which suv is the fastest, like what the hypercars are having now
(Velocity): Thank you for your answer. Now then, about now is the time I tell you I can't just send you beck to your gallery, and instead I have to blast you back in through means of slapstick humor, but I have a little something special in store for you. You get...
The Funtime Cannon. A remodeled version of the Loose Cannon manufactured to look like Funtime Freddy. Any last words?
(Bona): yea, I do, why was this even made
(Velocity): Because how else am I going to launch you across universes by means of a FNAF-themed instrument of Deviant Transport and Unexplainable Slapstick Humor?
Also, I felt like it. Oh yeah, one more thing.
(Bona): ok you got me
(Velocity): GO GET 'EM!!
(Bona): oh god
(Considerably Loud Explosion)
(Velocity): And with that, our mechanized mate is experiencing interdimensional travel firsthand - no safety equipment required. Probably. Anyway, one last thing before we sign off. Last week, we left you THIS cliffhanger photo:
Showing a Ford Focus flying across the path of a moving train, and it was your job to guess what happened next. And to the total ONE of you who answered, which just happens to be the guy I just shot out of a cannon...
You were right. The Answer was A, the Focus dodges the train Fast and Furious style. What am I, YeahMap? Anyways, on that bombshell, it's time to end. Thanks for tuning in, and we will have a special surprise for you later this week. GOOD NIGHT!!